Never Felt So Alive

Just a quick post to announce that I have sworn off dating!

I just got home from a pretty bad date.  With Kevin.  The guy I had such a great conversation with at the club.  Someone please tell me why guys think they can get away with touching you anywhere they please when you barely know each other!

And BAD KISSER!  Guys, please ... you don't need to open your mouth so much!

Things between Billy and I are starting to fall apart fast.  I guess I could see that coming since I couldn't even answer Val when she asked me, "What exactly do you like about him?"

So, it's time for a break from dating.  It's been nonstop for months and I'm exhausted.  No more first dates.  No more exchanging numbers. 

HOWEVER

Sharon (from work) wants to introduce me to her brother-in-law on Sunday and he is C U T E (I've seen pictures!).  I would make an exception for him.

So, I'm cancelling my dates for this weekend and I'm just going to sit around with Ben and Jerry, my two favorite guys!

Ok, where to begin?  It's been an exciting four days or so since I posted last ...

Thursday, Kristin (from work) and I went out to Wild Bill's with Val and Lisa (her friend from college).  That place was packed!  We stood in line for 45 minutes just to get in.  We met up with Val and Lisa but couldn't find Billy and his roommate who were supposed to be up there too.  So, Kristin and I found two guys that we danced with all night. 

My guy's name was Kevin, and he is E X A C T L Y like Brian Rau.  Talks the same, laughs the same, tells stories the same, has the same hair, etc. 

Quick flashback:  Brian Rau is this dude from back home who is the love of my life.  In seventh grade, he got his friend Kim to ask me to "go out" with him. 

She practically begged me to go out with him.  She kept going on about how "He's a really sweet person and a really good guy." 

All I knew about him was what he looked like:  glasses, scrawny, wore his hair parted to one side (total dork look, lol).  I said yes anyways, hoping she was right about his personality.

And she was.  He was totally sweet and totally hilarious.  But I, being the seventh grader that I was, broke up with him because he was just too dorky.  I wrote him a note that said, "I think we should just be friends" not exactly meaning it, just trying to find a nice way to break up.

So you can imagine my surprise when he called me a couple nights later to talk.  And we have been inseparable ever since.

I think deep down we are very much in love with each other but there is just this understanding that it just doesn't work out.  We really are just too good of friends.

So, naturally, I am very drawn to this Kevin guy.  We had a great conversation.  The next day, I called Brian and said, "Well, I can't have you so I guess this guy will have to do!" lol

Kristin and I stayed at Wild Bill's until close.  We thought the night was done, but on our way back to Kristin's apartment, two guys in a pickup truck flagged us down and took us to Waffle House.  They were ok, kinda a-holes though. 

We were on our way back to Kristin's apartment for real when they stopped us again.  We asked them if they knew how to get home, and they said they were just going to follow us back to Kristin's place (eek!)  I told Kristin that when we got to her place I was going home.  I felt bad leaving her, but by that time, it was 5am.  I wanted to go home, get my hour of sleep, then head into work.  I told her to tell them to go home and we would hang out again some other time, but she wanted to spend some time with Matt (the cute one).  It wasn't the first time she had two guys in her bed ...

That was Thursday.  Friday, Kristin and I went to work dead tired.  When I got home from work, I thought I would pass out but Val and Lisa were playing Battleship (which is lame until you make it a drinking game :P)  I played a little bit but was the first to pass out.

Saturday, Val and Lisa convinced me to ditch Billy to go to Stone Mountain and Downtown Atlanta.  That was interesting ... Downtown is scary though. 

Saturday night, I headed out to Billy's.  Once again, people were flooding in and out of his apartment, which is sooo great.  Met so many people.  As Billy was introducing me to everyone, one guy said, "Billy, is this the girlfriend?"  & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;  

...   long silence  ... 

Then a completely uneasy, "Yeah."

When the dude left, Billy said, "Sorry, I didn't know what to say to that."  LOL  -- I KNEW we should have had that talk!  We definitely should have had that talk after that happened (but didn't) so the SAME THING happened at his grandma's house with the SAME awkward response. LOL

We went to bed around 1am.  I hardly got any sleep because he keeps his apartment so cold.  Plus, everytime I scooted closer to him for some body heat, he scooted away!  I almost had him pushed completely off the bed in the morning.  Billy didn't get any sleep either because he says I was snoring ... 

In the morning, we got ready and left with his friend, Will (great guy), whose family was out of town, so he went along with us.  We stopped by Billy's mom's house to wish her a happy Easter (extremely nice lady, gave Billy an Easter basket, lol).  Then, we headed to Billy's grandma's house (Dad's side of the family). 

I took pink salad with me (or pink "surprise" as Will called it).  Everyone really liked it *whew!*  Yes, it looks totally disgusting but mmm, so tasty!

His family was the sweetest.  Before dinner, we all stood in a huge circle that took up the kitchen and the dining room and said an Easter blessing.  Beautiful. 

If I have to be away from home on Easter, I'm glad it was with a family just as sweet.

Ok, so I am bracing myself a little bit more each day to ...

MEET THE PARENTS

I talked to Billy last night on the phone.  We were talking about work and I asked him if he was working this weekend.  He said yes, Friday but off Saturday.   

I said, "Oh, what about Sunday?"  You know, kinda feelin' him out, seeing if he said something about going to his grandma's.  (I am soooo slick :P)

He said, "No, Sunday is that thing at my grandma's ... remember?"

Val and I had talked about this in depth.  Earlier in the evening, she had asked me what I liked about him so much.  I said I wasn't really sure what it was, because when we hang out, we're both pretty quiet.  She agreed and said that it seemed like we didn't have much to say the night we all hung out.  So, I was thinking, oh great!  Maybe he just invited me to his grandma's during one of our silences because he was desperate for something to talk about!

So, I asked him, "Were you serious about me going with you Sunday?"

And he said, "Um, yeah.  I mean, if you want to.  Unless you would be uncomfortable ... you know, meeting my parents," in his incredibly cute, awkward, dorky way.  Oh yeah, THAT'S why I like him.  Because we are both huge dorks! lol

That was reassuring so I said, "Of COURSE I want to go!"

I think that was reassuring to him too because he started going on about what time we were going, what we were eating, when we were eating, etc.

But now everyone's got me nervous!  Val, of course, knows about the Easter dinner thing and so do the girls at work, and everyone's response is, "Oh, so it's serious???" 

I don't know!  Is it?  I was telling Justin, my awesome friend back home, about a conversation Billy and I had and Justin's interpretation was that he is feeling me out for marriage!  Hmm ...

So, do I ask him the dreaded question, "Where exactly is this going?" 

I'm afraid of the response after the reaction Val got from her guy ... pretty much shot her down ... unbelievable!  And they seemed like they were hitting it off so well ...

Ok, so maybe I'm not the "dating machine" I thought I was ...

Friday was just a weird day period.  It started off with me getting a phone call at 1am from EJ, this dude I haven't talked to in AGES.  He was obviously celebrating St. Patty's Day and doing a little drunk dialing.  Anyway, when I heard my cell phone ringing, I thought it was my alarm and I started dragging myself to the bathroom to get ready for work.  When I realized what it really was, and who it was, I went back to bed pissed.  He KNOWS I have to get up early for work!!  But I guess that's easily forgotten when you're drunk.  Argh.

When my actual alarm went off, I don't know what was wrong with my legs, but I practically fell into the bathroom, lol

I left the house about 15 minutes late for work ... which I never do.

On the way to work, traffic was more hellish than usual.  I usually don't look around when we are all deadlocked on the freeway but I did Friday and caught some dude checking me out.  Well, maybe not checking me out ... he was probably watching my excellent performance of "What a Girl Wants" ... Yep, I'm one of those people who thinks they are invisible once they get inside their car ...

While I was covering the front desk, a guy dropping off furniture asked me to sign some papers. 

As I was signing, he said, "You look young ... how old are you?" 

I told him I am 20 and he asked, "Do you know how to cook?" 

Huh?  Why?  If I said I did, then what?  I said, "No." 

He said, "Well, you better get working on that!" 

I said, "I know, I'll never get married at this rate!"  Oh, God.  Why did I say that?  This is what I'm talking about when I say that Friday was just a bizarre day!

At 5pm, I called Billy and told him I wasn't going to make it to the party.  You just have to be in a certain mood to deal with drunk people and I wasn't in that mood.  Plus, my face was ALL broken out and I didn't want to meet his friends looking like that!  He sounded pissed, and when I hung up the phone, I thought for sure that I wasn't going to be hearing from him again.

But, as I was walking out to my car, my phone rang and guess who it was. 

He said, "Michelle, are you sure you can't come?" 

I told him I was positive, I just wasn't up for it.  I asked him if he was mad at me and he said no.  I said, "Shut up.  I can tell you're mad!"

He said he was just disappointed so I promised him I would make it up to him.

The next day, I canceled on Nate.  You have to be in a certain mood to spend an entire evening lifting up a guy with low self-esteem, no matter how good-looking he is, and I wasn't in that mood ... so I went to Billy's.

What amazes me is that Val's dude lives in another state, Billy lives in Georgia and yet, it takes me longer to get to his place than it takes Val to get to her guy's place!  But I won't complain because he is so worth it!

I had been going back and forth between, Is he cute or no?  Am I physically attracted to him or not?  But as soon as I got out of my car and saw him ( ... and smelled him), I was like, Yes, you are cute! 

We had a really nice time.  Nothing really exciting to write about.  Just sat around watching Old School and went to O'Charley's (ironically, Val and Johnson were eating at the same place in Chattanooga ... it's the "twin thing" lol).  He is an EXCELLENT kisser.  He is also a huge klutz ... which I think is totally cute.  We bumped heads twice last night, lol.  I think that makes four or five since we've met.

Then, while we were at dinner, he asked me to go with him to Easter dinner at his Grandma's house.  I didn't really know what to say at first.  I think I choked on my bread a little bit.

"To, like, meet your family?"  I asked.

So, I'm meeting his family on Sunday!  Can't wait ...

Last night, Val and I double dated ...

We really need to quit doing that! lol

Our double dates never go very well for some reason.  Last time we went on a double date was in January with Zach and Jeremy.  I had been dating Zach for a couple of weeks when we decided to hook Jeremy and Val up. 

Zach went on and on about what a nice guy Jeremy was and how attractive he was ... "If I was a chick, (strangely enough, several of his sentences started off this way) I would be all over that." 

They came to pick us up and I open the door to Zach and Jeremy.  Jeremy is wearing a pink shirt and tight pants and has poofy 80's hair.  I didn't know what to say ... I wanted to close the door and tell Val to brace herself for this guy ... but I guess that would have been a tad rude.

Nonetheless, it was an entertaining time.  Zach and Jeremy were hilarious.  They did some freestyle rapping at dinner and were horrible dancers at the Latin club.  Jeremy turned out to be a really sweet, funny, nice guy but by the end of the evening, we were pretty convinced that he was gay.

I confronted Zach about Jeremy later, asking him what he was thinking trying to hook those two up.  I asked Zach if he was absolutely sure Jeremy is straight.  Then, the truth came out ...

"Well ... maybe it is deep down inside of him but he just supresses it.  He just needs to find a good girl." 

Even before this bit of information came out though, Val had decided that she wasn't interested.  He was just a little too off-the-wall.

So anyways, fast forward to last night where we double dated again.  This time with Billy and Johnson.  Both of the boys drove an hour and a half to see us.  Billy has some good lines:  "It was worth it (talking about the drive to see me :P)" and "The girls aren't as pretty in Gainesville so I have to drive to Kennesaw."

So, we went out to eat and then shot some pool.  We bought the boys dinner of course for driving so far.  Then, we went back to our place to watch a movie.

We got "I Heart Huckabees" because it had so many famous people in it and we were so curious about what the story was because the preview don't really explain ... yeah, there's a reason for that ... that movie SUCKS.  Totally stupid, pointless, and boring.

The four of us were all curled up (umm, not all together ... Val with her guy, me with mine) and with the movie being so dull, I fell right asleep!  When I woke up, I could feel everyone looking at me and I'm like, oh great, I was snoring, talking in my sleep, grinding my teeth or some other weird thing I do in my sleep.

I said, "What?  I'm awake!"

Val says, "No, you weren't!"

Billy leans over and tells me that I jumped.  Oh yeah, THAT thing I do in my sleep!  How embarrassing! 

I ask, "What's going on in the movie?"

Johnson responds, "No one knows." 

Billy left about 12:30am.  I felt bad for making him drive all the way back in the rain but there really wasn't anywhere for him to sleep! 

We're hanging out again on Friday ...

Last night, I had a date with Billy.  Billy is a guy we met at Wild Bill's (where else?) back in January.  It was the first time Val and I had ever gone there and Billy and his friend were the last guys we danced with that night. 

As we were dancing, Val kept giving me strange looks.  Billy's friend was dancing extremely close to her, getting all touchy-feely.  Billy picked up on her looks so he asked me, "Is he freaking her out?"  I said, "I think" so Billy tapped him a couple of times to get him to back off.  Billy said to me, "Sorry, he's on break from the Navy ... he's been on a boat for the past 6 months ... you'll have to forgive him."  LOL

At 1:45am, we said goodbye.  It was time to head home since I had work in the morning.  Billy turned to me and used the line, "I don't normally pick girls up at the club but you seem like such a sweet girl.  Can I have your phone number?" 

We exchanged numbers and he called me the next night to see if I wanted to go to the party he was having to watch the Falcons play in the playoffs.  I wanted to go but got sick the day of the party and ended up sleeping right through his phone calls.  I sent him a text message apologizing and suggesting we reschedule. 

I let a lot of time go by and didn't hear from him.  I assumed it was because I kinda-sorta (but not really!) stood him up, so I decided to call him.  He seemed excited to hear from me and wanted to go out that night but I already had plans so we went out last night. 

He said he would come pick me up and we would go get something to eat but he put my address in MapQuest and realized that we live an hour and a half away from each other!  So, we decided to meet at Perimeter Mall ... about halfway between our places ... 

And we had an awesome time!  We agreed to meet in front of Cheesecake Factory which was nerve-wrecking becau se it had been a long time since I had seen him.  I wasn't sure if I would recognize him ... plus, the last time I saw him, it was in the dark!

He has such a great personality.  Great sense of humor.  He asked me, "Are you always this giggly?"

Of course, the question I dread came up ("So, why did you move to Atlanta?").  I told him the story with a few details as possible without looking shady ... I just hate to get that personal on a first date!  It's like, Here I am!  Do you mind taking my baggage???  LOL  He was sweet though ... he just said, "Yeah, I can see why he would have a hard time letting go of you." 

Billy is just an average-looking guy (and a HORRIBLE dancer! lol) while Nate is blow-your-socks off, model-type, drop-dead gorgeous ... and yet, I have a VERY strong attraction to Billy ... I guess it just goes to show you how much personality can attract (or detract) you to (or from) a person! 

I don't tell this story to people a lot.  When they ask me why I moved to Atlanta from Ohio, I usually just keep it simple and say:  "Better weather, nicer people."  Some people buy that, most don't.  Most skeptical people say, "Did you move because of a guy?"  I say, yes.  At this, most just assume I moved down here to be with a guy.  Others ask for clarification and that's where it gets complicated.  So, here is my story:

I lived in Ohio all of my life.  When I was a junior in high school, I started dating X.  X and I were crazy about each other from the beginning.  We knew we were in love and we knew we wanted to get married after 2 weeks of dating.  We had fun together -- we liked the same things, we hated the same things, we went to prom together, we did everything together.  I dropped all plans to leave the state for college and so did he. 

We had one major fight while we were in high school.  We had been dating 6 months and I decided to break up with him over it.  He broke my heart when he cried over the breakup but soon made out with another girl.  He called me everyday and promised me he would change.  Well, that breakup didn't last long and started a pattern of breaking up and then getting back together soon after.   

Eventually, after about a year of this, my mom sat me down and explained to me that when you love someone, you love them, faults and all.  That really changed my whole perspective on the relationship and things improved, because I realized that I DID love his flaws.

I moved out of my parents' house when I was 18 and went to a local college.  X occassionally sneaked out of his parents' house to spend the night with me at my apartment.  We enjoyed the freedom and privacy we now had.  My mom encouraged me to get on birth control but I ended up throwing away a whole month's worth in a rage because X and I had a big argument over how he was behaving differently since I was on it, focusing too much on the physical aspect of our relationship.

My mom got breast cancer right about this time.  I was completely miserable because we had several scares where we thought we were going to lose her.  X was my strength through it all.  He was comforting and sweet but I became so upset over it that eventually he cried with me and said, "I just don't know what to tell you anymore." 

Right about the same time, we were also dealing with fears that his dad would be sent to Iraq.  His dad was actually sent to Qatar, I believe, and we worried about him everyday until he came home. 

So, we were two emotional, high-strung individuals which made our relationship difficult, but he was determined to make things work and his determination motivated me to make things work too.  Somewhere in all of this emotion, the hitting started.

I admit.  I started it.  He made some nasty comment about my sister and I smacked him hard across the face.  As soon as I did it, I bawled and told him how sorry I was. 

His fears about us breaking up caused our relationship to get very physical.  We would get into a fight, I would want to leave, and he would be so afraid that if I walked out the door, we would break up and he would never see me again, so he physically stopped me from leaving.  I remember trying to leave his parents' basement and not being able to get up the stairs because he was pushing me or holding me back.  I remember trying to get out of his car because he would not take me home and not being able to because I would unlock the door and he would lock it and back and forth until he grabbed my hands and wouldn't let go.  Trying to get him to leave my apartment when I asked him was nearly impossible.  I remember screaming and crying and feeling so helpless. 

I went back to him everytime though because I was so in love with him.  The good times outweighed the bad times by far.  He cried and promised he would never do it again and I forgave him everytime. 

I finished my first year of school and he started college.  The summer before he started, we got "engaged."  He bought me a ring, I wore it to work and to school but we never told our parents.  I guess it was more of an expensive "promise ring" than anything.

As a freshman, he either had to live with his parents or live in the dorms so us living together was not an option.  He promised me that when he was a sophomore, we would move in together.  I got another apartment and lived alone (he did not get along with my old roommate).  He spent nearly every night there.  It was nice.  It was as if we lived together anyway.  We even got a dog, Atticus, and we absolutely loved that dog.  He was like our kid.

We had problems when he first started school.  At first, I felt that he was neglecting me.  I tried to be understanding that he was in a new place with new people but I pointed out to him that I didn't do the same to him when I started college.  He became very involved with College Republicans.  I didn't really like that as I am not a fan of George W. Bush but I sucked it up and tried to be supportive.  I went to a CR party with X and went around kinda campaigning for him, asking people if they were going to vote for him and if they seemed unsure, I tried to sway them a little bit.  X told me it was the sweetest thing I had ever done for him.

We still had arguments every so often but still ... the good times were worth the bad times.  When Christmas came, he gave me the best gift I ever could have received ... he took this picture of my grandparents dancing on my desk (without me ever noticing).  He knew I loved that picture so he had it blown up and framed.  When he handed the gift to me, I had no clue what it was.  His mom and I both cried when I opened it.

Then, January came.  January is the big time to sign apartment leases near campus because everything for the next year goes fast.  I was excited.  I thought I was getting out of my moldy, old apartment and going to live somewhere nicer with X and our dog.  I came to find out that wasn't the case.  X told me that he would be living with guys he knew from College Republicans.  I couldn't believe it.  He had been telling me for months that he was going to live with me as soon as he got out of the dorms.  I asked him why he wasn't going to live with me.  One minute it was because he would be afraid of his parents' reaction to us living together.  The next minute it was because he wanted to be a college kid and wanted to be with his friends.  Another minute, it was because we were "having problems."  I asked him what I was supposed to do.  I had no one to live with ... I had planned on living with him ... and couldn't afford to live another year by myself, and not even by myself!  I had to pay for my rent and the food he ate when he came over and all of the other bills he ran up while he was there.  At my place, he would call his future roommates and they would set up times to look at apartments and I would just bawl.  I kept crying, "We had a plan.  What happened to our plan???"  We would be in bed, discussing it, and I would get so upset that I would go lie down on the couch and just cry and cry ... and he never came out to talk to me or comfort me.  I think I slept on that couch for a month straight. 

That was it for me.  I decided I was leaving ... but not for Georgia.  I told him I couldn't afford to live by myself, I had no one to live with, I couldn't afford the dorms at my school so I had to find somewhere else to go.  So, I applied for a school in Cleveland, got accepted, and made plans to go there.  He got upset with me, said I was threatening him with leaving just so he would live with me, which wasn't the case.  Finally, he came to me and said, "If I found you someone to live with, would you stay?"  His friend's girlfriend was looking for an apartment so we signed a lease for one near X. 

We were watchin g the news one night and saw my friend's face all over it because he had died in Iraq.  X's response was pretty nonchalant which I didn't understand.  We sat with that guy at lunch everyday for months.  X and him used to joke around together ... how could he act like he didn't care?  X kept telling me it was his duty and he was probably glad to go to Iraq and his parents were probably so proud of him.  I didn't disagree but it was the loss of a 20-year old nonetheless. 

X then joined the Bush-Cheney campaign.  I questioned him about it pretty good at the beginning.  I asked him how he could support someone who started this whole Iraq thing.  He told me it was an opportunity of a lifetime for him to work on this campaign which I totally saw so I once again sucked it up.  One week, he was downtown almost 24 hours a day so I took a bus down there one night (I, never having taken a bus in my life, was freaked out) to stay with him.  When he came home complaining about how they were mistreating him at headquarters, I sympathized with him and said how they should treat him better.  When things were going well, I said how great it was.  When he wanted to quit, I told him that whatever he decided, I would be behind him. 

But, I never could get over that he didn't want to live with me.  I absolutely did not understand it.  After the leases were signed, we fought more frequently and the hitting began.  When we fought, I would try to get him out of my apartment.  When he refused to leave, I always tried to shove him to the door.  He would shove me back, usually onto the bed, and he would pin me down and hold his hand over my mouth because I was screaming.  There were several times when he punched my legs, gave me bruises on my arms.  It happened over and over again.  And he would cry over it and promise me it wouldn't happen again ... and it always did. 

I worked two jobs over the summer so X and I saw less and less of each other.  We had actually officially broken up in the spring.  He had hit me in the face and that was the last straw for me ... I called my mom, crying and said, "Mom, --- hit me ... "  the first she had ever heard of him doing such a thing although my sister knew all about it.  Mom rushed right over to the apartment, picked me up and took me home.  The conversation I had with her when I got there was heart-breaking.  She cried and she said, "I want you to think about this the next time you think about going back to him.  I know you wouldn't do this for yourself so I'm asking you to do this for your family.  I know you don't care what happens to you but look what he's doing to me and your dad and your sister." 

I moved back into my parents' house to get away from him but he still stayed in touch, calling, emailing, etc.  That's when I decided I needed to move farther away.  Far enough where he wouldn't try to find me but close enough that I could still come home to visit.  I was looking at North Carolina and South Carolina when my mom said, "Why don't you look at Georgia?  Everyone who goes there loves it."  So I took a couple of long weekends and drove down to Georgia, finding my school and my apartment.

I don't think X really believed me when I told him I was leaving.  The night before I left, we had a tearful goodbye.  All of the sudden, I wondered what in the world I was doing leaving him and we said we would do what it takes to make this work over such a long distance.  That, of course, didn't happen as you can tell from reading my blog.  I think the panic set in of going somewhere I didn't know, not knowing anyone here, and that's why those things were said the night before I left ...

People tell me I'm strong for moving down here by myself.  That is the best compliment anyone can give me.  It makes being so far from home a lot easier, but I don't see myself as strong.  If I was strong, I would still be in Ohio.  I would be able to face him and remember what he did to me, my family and my life and stand up to him rather than giving in. 

What makes me strong today is having my sister here with me.  She is a daily reminder of how he completely disrupted all of our lives. 

But we loooove Georgia!  We don't want to be in Ohio anyway! haha

When Val got off work today, we went to Phipps Plaza to do a little research for one of her classes.  Phipps Plaza is this very swanky mall in Buckhead.  It has stores like Armani, Versace, and Tiffany & Co.  so I took my high limit credit card and headed out ... just kidding!  We definitely weren't there to shop.  It was more to marvel at all of the expensive things that we can't afford.

Anyway, when we got back, Val left for Tennesee to see her boyfriend and I got ready for my date with Nate.  I had planned to take him to the art museum but it was already closed so he just came over with a handful of daffodils he picked from his farm!  He was even cuter than I remembered.  We watched a little TV and then put in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles which he has never seen! *gasp* 

The rest of the night was spent mostly making fun of each other's accents, haha. 

One thing he says to me that I absolutely love:  "I like to think I keep a finger on the pulse of the common man and I believe that pulse quickens when you are around."

I said, "What movie is that line from?"

He said, "It's an original ... and it's not a line ..."

He left at 12:30am because I have church this morning.  We had a really great time and I'm really glad Val talked me into giving him another chance.  So, now I'm on my way to church to thank God for all of my recent blessings :)

So, as I was leaving work today, I checked my voicemail and got ...

"Hey, it's just Nate.  I'm just calling you to see if we're still on for Saturday night.  I haven't seen you in forever ... God!  Anyway, um, I'm sure you're still just as gorgeous as ever.  Alright, just give me a call back and let me know.  Alright, bye."

Yes, I've decided to give it another go with Nate.  He's hot, Val likes him, he's all country and stuff, and c'mon ... what a smooth talker!  We're hanging out Saturday ... hopefully I get to play with his cows, haha ... 

Nothing exciting is going on, and I hate to leave my blog without a new entry so I'm going to start writing about the bad dates I've been on ...

One night in January, me, Val and the girls from the bar went to Club Europe to dance.  We were having a good time, dancing with lots of people.  Well, I danced with this one guy, we shall call him "Espuma".  He was so incredibly good-looking ... and for once, Val agreed!  I was surprised at how attracted I was to him, because he was from Colombia and I'm not normally attracted to Hispanic guys.  But yes, he was cute and had the hottest accent!  So, we exchanged phone numbers and Val went and told everyone how I danced with "the hottest guy". 

He called the next day wanting to hang out but I didn't really feel up to it and said no.  Val thought I was absolutely crazy for not going out with him.  He called the next night.  I still didn't want to go out so I asked him if we could hang out the next weekend. 

So, the next weekend comes.  He picks me up at my place, we drive around for hours trying to find someplace to eat.  Friday night in Atlanta?  Forget that ... hour and a half wait EVERYWHERE.  So we end up at this buffet place as a last resort because we are both starving.  We get our food, we sit down and we have a great conversation.  He's a really smart guy, really good job, has a dog (always a good sign).  He says he's ready to settle down and start a family, etc.  I'm starting to think he's perfect.  We've been holding hands and flirting all night.  Then ...

"What happened to your fingernail?" 

I asked because his fingernail has some kind of weird groove or whatever.

"Oh, that?  Well, there's something I have to tell you ..." 

I start to get freaked out because I'm thinking he's an axe murderer and maybe he accidentally got himself with his own axe once or something (I can have a bizarre imagination sometimes).  But it's something else and I'm not quite sure which is worse ...

"I was married," he says.

"You were?" 

Bad news enough because I do not believe in divorce, but it gets worse ...

"Well, I am married."

"You are ..."  I say, in total disbelief.

Then, he goes off on some tangent about how his student visa was about to expire so he had to get married to get his green card so he could stay in the U.S.  I was in such shock and disgust that I didn't even catch how all of this related to his fingernail.

And what am I supposed to do?  Walk out?  Throw a plate of food in his face??  He drove.  We were a good mile or two away from my apartment and it was freezing outside.  Not like I could walk home!  So, I say ...

"So, what?  Are you getting a divorce?"

"Yes, as soon as I have the money."

"When is that going to be?"

"I don't know ... as soon as I start saving up for it."

So, we talk some more and it gets worse.  The girl he is married to is in love with him, but he doesn't love her back, he just used her for the green card.  So, this guy who seemed so sweet and so awesome, turns into the biggest loser I think I have ever met. 

Worse ... as I was getting my stuff together when we pulled up to my apartment, he kisses me right on the mouth when I'm not paying attention! 

I literally puked the next day ... I don't know if it was the food that made me sick or the disgusting taste of "Espuma" (which I'm pretty sure is Spanish for "scum") on my lips.

So, I've decided it's time to be honest with myself about Randy and Hammy.  I've really been make an effort to make things work with either of these guys, but I'm really just wasting my time. 

I can't date Randy.  I have too many issues with his past.  As sweet as he is, I can't look past the numerous girls he has slept with and the numerous bongs he does (gag!), etc.  Plus, out of all the girls who worked at the bar, he showed interest in me dead last.  After Katie, after Cristi, after the other Christy, etc.  I don't get that.  It makes me feel like a last resort. 

Now, Hammy.  We had planned that when he got back in town last night, we would go to Wild Bill's with my sister.  Granted, we didn't even end up going ... it was too cold and I was still sick ... but he never called to say he was in town or to say he wasn't going to make it back, didn't call at all. 

To me, that is just common courtesy.  Just like it should have been common courtesy to call me when his plane was delayed.  Just like it should have been common courtesy to call within that week and a half where I waited for him to call.  I understand he's busy with work but I think I give him too much leeway with that.  Val pointed out that I have been way too available to him, especially when I go over to his apartment at all hours of the night.  I see that now. 

I thought I gave up on him when I went to bed the night his plane was delayed, I thought I gave up on him when he didn't call that week and a half ... well, I'm giving up on him now.