Never Felt So Alive

Ok, I have been used by guys for a lot of things ... but this is a new one. 

Sean and I went out Friday and then again on Sunday.  He calls me Tuesday asking if I want to go out again on Wednesday.  I say yes and he says that he will call me sometime during the day on Wednesday to make plans.

Wednesday, I leave the office to grab everyone some McDonald's.  While I am out, I check my voicemails and there's one from Sean ... not asking what we're going to do that night, not setting up a time or a place ... but saying that he is calling to see about setting up an appointment with my boss ... so that he can try to sell my company some insurance.

Are you f-ing kidding me?  So, I come back to the office, furious, and tell all the girls and the majority rules, "That is so tacky!"

One of the girls said it would be different if we had been dating for a while, if he had come in for lunch sometime and met everybody, if we had been dating long enough where I could say, "Boss, this is my boyfriend.  He's an insurance salesman.  Do you mind taking 10 minutes to listen to his sales pitch?"  And it would be different if I had offered him the connection to my company rather than him asking me for it. 

But instead, this guy I barely know, who I have been out with TWICE, wants all the ins to my company.  Hell, no.  Everyone agrees that is reason enough not to see this guy again, even Tonto. 

So, why do I do this to myself???  I have a perfectly nice guy in Billy and I'm trying to find things wrong with him.  I obviously have an asshole in Sean and I will probably go out with him again ... that is, if I call him again.  I never called him back after he left that message and then he called again today "to see what's up". 

I would call him to "give him a piece of my mind" (as Dad would say) but I really am beyond words right now.  Maybe eventually he will take the hint and leave me alone.

Saturday was ... interesting.

I get up Saturday and I realize that I really need to get an assignment done because it is due at midnight.  But I am a huge procrastinator and because I have 12 hours left to do it, I take the whole 12 hours to finish it.  Meanwhile, Billy keeps calling and calling and calling.  As if myself wasn't enough distraction for myself, then I have phone calls every half hour.  And he knew I was going to be doing homework all day because I had told him.  After my phone goes off again, signaling that I have 3 voicemails (all from Billy), I finally listen to them and a progressively annoyed Billy.  About 9pm, I call him back and ask him what he thinks he's doing.  We kinda get into an argument, and eventually, I hang up on him.

He calls back and leaves a message and he's apologizing and saying some other stuff like, "I would never have even thought about doing something that would have made you this upset, because I kinda have a thing for you."

I listened to the voicemail probably 15 times.  While I was listening to it, at some point, he had dropped off flowers and a card on my doorstep.

From the card:  "You are all that I can think about.  You are exactly everything that I could even think about wanting in a woman ...  You are the best, so please excuse my ignorance."

And I don't know.  It all goes back to what my mom said about how when you first start dating a guy, that's the time he should seem perfect.  You shouldn't see his flaws until much later in the relationship. 

And it all goes back to me being picky.  I'm not real sure, but all of this comes off as a little bit desperate to me. 

Val says, "That's an engineer for you."  I still don't really know what that means ...

What's frustrating is that it took us sooooo long to get to this point and now it feels like it's gone already.  And I don't know if I want to go through everything we had to go through again to get back to that point.

The quote is from Kristin.  We both really had an awesome day ...

1)  Today was payday

2)  We worked for a total of three hours

3)  We then had lunch and cake provided by our company

4)  We then went bowling, also provided by our company

5)  As a result of our excellent bowling skills, we won money

6)  We both had hot dates

Tonight, I went out with Sean.  It was just a dinner date, but it was great!  That is the way to do it ... The first date is always horribly awkward so why not just get it out of the way ASAP??!!  I don't care how well it is going, you are still nervous as crap so just get through it as fast as you can and get on to the more comfortable second date, and third date ...

ANYWAY, I was sooo nervous, but I knew it would be a good time because my hair and makeup were RIGHT ON! lol  We went to Los Reyes which I have never been to.  For once, the guy came to me!  I didn't have to drive across Atlanta to hang out with this dude ... now that is a gentleman!  It was a nice place ... we got to eat outside on this gorgeous evening.  After dinner, we made plans to hang out Sunday, and we called it a night.  We had a great conversation ... he doesn't talk too much, he's not too quiet He's just a little short ... but that's no big deal!  I was wearing heels so that probably made him seem shorter ... VERY CUTE!  I gave him a hug at the end of the date ... he is 100% solid! 

Billy asked me to go to the ballet with him tomorrow.  Gag!  Not my thing, sorry.  Especially after seeing "The Nutcracker:  Kennesaw Style" where they turned the ballet into a Civil War reenactment. 

Val finally broke down and told me what we are doing for my birthday.  BRAVES GAME!  Love it.  There is nothing better than baseball with my favorite gal on my birthday, even better if they win!

Kristin and I are also planning how to celebrate my birthday.  We decided to get a limo, pack it with us and possibly Sean and his hot firefighter friends and go to Buckhead! 

It's going to be a busy birthday week with that, plus finishing my first session of classes, plus leaving for South Beach the next week!  This will be the best birthday ever!!!!!  I keep saying, I'm only going to turn 21 once, I want it to be awesome and my girls are totally pulling through for me.  Love you gals!!!

"Lord, apparently I am on your good side right now!"  (Kristin)

I had a couple of dates this weekend ...

Friday night, I went out with John.  We had dinner at Macaroni Grill and then I went home at 9:30pm.  That's how bad it was.  I mean, he was a nice guy, not bad looking ... we just had a hard time keeping the conversation going, even though we've been talking for a while now.  He wanted a kiss goodnight, so I just let him kiss me on the cheek.  Won't be seeing him again.

Saturday night, I went out with Billy #2 (not the you-won't-put-out-so-I'm- done-with-you Billy).  He was awesome to hang out with.  We had dinner at ... you guessed it, Macaroni Grill.  I love that place, but it's hard to go there on a date because the male servers are so good-looking!  It's distracting! 

But I didn't have trouble focusing on Billy!  He was cute and I love talking to him.  He has this voice that just drives me crazy!  And he has this incredibly cute way of saying, "Hell, yes!"  And he calls me "sweetie" and "gorgeous."  And he's so polite and so sweet and so interesting ...

Finally, I felt a connection with a guy.  When I got home from my date with John, I told Val, "There was just nothing there."  I asked her if there was an immediate connection and attraction with Johnson and she said yes, there was a strong attraction from the beginning.  So, that was a sign that John is not someone to go out with again.  Why waste time on someone you don't have a good initial connection with trying to build, or even force, a connection? 

But this connection was there with Billy and I'm like, now THAT'S what I've been looking for!  With my luck, I'll find out he has three kids with three different women or some crap like that ...

I had to cut my date short with Billy because I had called Kristin earlier in the day to see if she wanted to go out that night (I was expecting my date with Billy to go badly so needed a way to keep it short). 

So, Kristin, Hannah and I went to Mama's Primetime!  That place wasn't too bad ... I still prefer Wild Bill's.  The girls picked up two cute Brazilians.  The four of them were making out the whole time, so I sat down and talked with this one guy all night.  I wasn't too into it since things went so well with Billy, but I'm glad my girls had fun!  We went to Waffle House afterwards with the guys, of course (this is becoming tradition when Kristin and I go out ... pick up some guys and go to Waffle House, lol).  I got home at 6:30am! 

I love Kristin.  I may disagree with her on the way she handles herself the majority of the time, but she's a sweet girl and fun ... and single!  Ever since Val started dating Johnson, I've been in need of a single friend, lol.  If all goes well though, none of us will be single for much longer!

So after Randy and I hung out Friday night, I called him Sunday.  No answer.  I called him Monday, left a voicemail.  Travis called me on Wednesday just to chat and to announce that he found my online profile, lol. 

I ask him what he's been up to and then I ask, "What's Randy been up to?  I cannot get a hold of him.  Is he working a lot?" 

Travis said, "Yeah ... plus he spends a lot of time with his girlfriend."  That's right ... girlfriend.

I said, "Girlfriend?"

Travis said, "Yeah, didn't you know?  They've been dating about two weeks or so."

I said, "Really?  Then why has he been making out with ME?"

Travis was shocked.  "I had no idea you two were making out!"

I was shocked myself.  I needed to get off the phone.  Travis was at work so I told him to call me if he wanted to go get something to eat when he got off.

Travis called me at 7:15pm and said, "Hey, you wanna get Randy good?"

I said, no, I wasn't that type of person to be mean.

He said, "Well, Randy just called me and asked if I would meet him up at the fields for his girlfriend's softball game.  Want to come?"

Eventually I gave in and Travis swung by to pick me up.  When we got to the field, we walked up to Randy who would not look us in the face.  I said, "What's up, Randy?"

He mumbled, "Just watching the game."

He and Travis got up to get something to drink.  According to Travis, Randy said, "What are you thinking??  Why did you bring her??  Does she know that this is my girlfriend's softball game??"

Travis just said, "Yeah, she knows everything."

We didn't stay long, just long enough to watch Randy squirm a good bit.  When we left, Randy did not say a word to me.  Funny because he's got so much to say when it's just us. 

Did he really think that I would not find out?  It was nice to catch him in the act though.  I could have done some real damage by telling his girlfriend about what happened with us but I figured I did enough just by being there.  Maybe he will learn his lesson.

My friend, Kristin, has been in a similar situation so I told her my story, told her she could "appreciate this one."  We were trying to figure out ... is it better to be the girlfriend being cheated on or the girl the guy is cheating with?  Because it seems we are always either one or the other ...

Well, tonight I caught up on my phone calls ...

First, I called Travis to find out what the hell is going on with Randy.  Got his voicemail.

Then, I called Randy to find out what the hell is going on with Randy.  Got his voicemail too.

Then, I called Rob.  Rob is this really nice, cute guy I have been talking to.  He's got a stutter but it doesn't bother me too much.  I'm kinda used to it.  We are hanging out on Friday ... we'll see how that goes.

Then, I called Ohio Randy.  Ohio Randy and I have a loooong history.  I love telling the story of how we met:

Once when X and I broke up, my dad told his best friend (who was also our neighbor ... and "neighbor" in country terms means he lived a couple of miles down the road, a couple of corn fields down).  His best friend has a son, Nathan, who Val and I had been playing "Tractors" with since we were babies. 

So, I was single, Nathan was single, so our dads got the idea of playing matchmaker.  Nathan calls me out of the blue and asks me if I want to go to the Madison County Fair.  I say yes and he picks me up in his 1950's Ford Pickup Truck and we go to the fair.  First of all, he is toothpick thin and wearing giant bug sunglasses like my dad wears.  He is kinda nasal sounding and has a southern accent (don't ask me how ... there were more people in Ohio with southern accents than there are in Georgia). 

So we go to this fair and I am having a horrible time trying to make conversation with this Future Farmer of America (there is actually a club called this, I promise).  He is introducing me to all of his friends while he gnaws on some fried cheese on a stick and then takes me to the tractor pull.  I ask him to take me home at 10:30pm and when he asks me out again, I say, "I don't think I'm going to be dating anymore."

Mom tells me that I should have just told the truth, that was a bad excuse, "You might as well have told him you were going to the convent!"

I said, "Well maybe I am after a date that bad!"

A couple of days later, I get this phone call from this guy, Randy.  He says he's one of Nathan's friends and that we met at the fair (I think I was having such a horrible time I wasn't even paying attention to who I was meeting).  We talk for a little bit and when I get off the phone, I run and ask my dad all about him.

Dad tells me that he saw me at the fair and thought I was cute and was wondering what I was doing with a dork like Nathan.  So, he got my number off the guy he did roofing with who is friends with my dad and called.

We went on one date, had a pretty good time, and then I got back together with X.  About a year later, X and I broke up again and I went running to Randy again.  Again, we went on one date and I got back together with X. 

The next year was when I decided to move to Georgia.  I went to Randy's apartment to hang out and say goodbye and we had the most awesome night ever.  We stayed up most of the night talking ... I realized how sweet and caring he is... but had no choice but to leave.  He told me that if he had known what was going on with me and X, he would have let me come stay with him and that he never would let X near me ... but it was too late for that.  Besides, that just would have made things worse, I'm sure.

When I first moved down to Georgia, Randy and I kept in contact fairly often.  He even offered to drive down to see me but there was still too much going on with X.  So, we lost touch.

Tonight, I called him.  Left him a voicemail saying how sorry I was for getting him involved in my personal crap over and over again and how I hoped that he would be able to forgive me. 

He called me shortly after I left the voicemail and told me that was the longest apology he's ever gotten.  We talked for a good hour about life and we reminisced about how we met and what a dork Nathan is/was, lol.  He told me how he tried to wait for me to come back to Ohio but he found himself a girlfriend.  I said that there was no way I expected him to wait for me and that I was glad he found a good girl.  And that's being honest.  I didn't call him to get myself a boyfriend (and certainly not one in Ohio) ... I sincerely wanted to apologize ... I felt like I owed him that for always being there for me.  I didn't feel that he deserved to be treated the way I treated him and that the least I could do was apologize.

So, with that off my chest, I can sleep easily tonight ...

Great weekend! 

Friday night, me, Kristin, Val and Johnson went to the Braves' home opener.  Sooo fun!  50,000 people there and the majority of them were good-looking guys.  Kristin and I were having a field day, especially in the traffic on the way there.  Oh yeah, AND the Braves won!

I was driving home from the game, on my way to Kroger, when Randy called me.  He said he was having some people over and for me to stop by.  I said no, I had to go to Kroger and finish making what is now "blue surprise" for Cynthia's baby shower. 

Then, Travis gets on the phone.  He says, "Michelle, just come over."

I say, "I can't.  I have to cook, I have to get up early in the morning and plus my face is broken out."

Again, he tells me to just come over or else they were going to my place.  I said, "Go ahead and come over.  I won't be there.  I'll be at Kroger." 

I hear Travis to tell Randy to get his keys and that they're going for a ride and then he says, "See you in a little bit."  I hang up as I'm going into Kroger (where I see Val and Johnson, how weird!)

When I get home from Kroger, my phone rings again.  It's Travis.  Again.  I say, "You guys are all talk.  You didn't come over!"

He said, "Yes, we did.  You weren't there!" LOL no kidding!

We talk probably 10 more minutes in which he somehow convinces me to come over.  He says things like, "Michelle, we love your company.  Please come over?  We love you, Michelle."  LOL  When I get there, they are standing out against Randy's truck. 

Travis walks up to me, gives me a big hug and says, "You lied to us!  Your face is not broken out ... you look fine as hell!"

I said, "Thank you.  It's nice to know that SOMEONE thinks I'm fine *elbow Randy* and wants me to come over."

Randy said, "You know I think you're gorgeous ... and Travis wouldn't give me my phone to talk to you!"  LOL

Then, Travis starts going on about this book that's going to make him rich (by the way, he is very drunk if you haven't already guessed it).  He lets me know that I can borrow it when he's finished reading it, lol. 

I visited with Steven, Kenny, Dan and Randy's weird cousin.  When Randy saw that his weird cousin was getting kinda touchy-feely with me, he called me into his room.  I thanked him for that one.

We stayed in his room the rest of the night.  We made out of course.  At one point, Randy says to me, "I want you."

I said, "Well, you can't have me."

"You think I just mean sexually, don't you?"

"Yeah.  What else would you mean?"

He took a few minutes and finally said, "I want you every way a person could want another person."

Now, I'm not EXACTLY sure what that means but it definitely sounds good. 

I hung out with Randy last night ... I know, I know.  Bad, right?  We had a REALLY good time though. 

When I got to Randy's, Travis and his wife (it still seems so weird to say that!) were fighting, so we took Jerry Maguire into his room and watched it in there.  We didn't stay up long ... we both had to get up for work in the morning and we were both tired from church.  He kept trying to get me to say "bathroom" because he thinks I say it with a cute Northern accent.  I kept trying to get him to admit he likes Nascar because I think it's cute that he's a redneck. 

I can't help but like Randy!  He is such a sweetie, and I love his friends and his family.  I complained before that he is immature, but he takes good care of his sister and his two nieces. 

In other news, I won free microdermabrasion and free laser hair removal!  Just in time for the beach!  I'm kinda nervous though ... has anyone ever had either of these done??

Best compliment ever:

"She's hot AND she's Catholic."