Never Felt So Alive

Well, this week has been all about karma finally coming back to bite me in the ass!  Whoever said, "What goes around, comes around" knew his stuff!

I am very "on the fence" about most of the guys I meet.  Unsure whether or not I am attracted to them, physically and intellectually.  And usually, I am very reluctant (or scared?) to find out.

So that leads to a lot of cancellations on my part.  I will work up some enthusiasm to plan a date but can't keep that enthusiasm long enough to actually go through with the date. 

"I'm sick, I can't make it."
"My car broke down."
"I have to get up early the next morning."
"I didn't get your voicemail/text message/phone call."
"My toenail fell off."
And so on ...

I saw this week coming.  I thought to myself, One day, I'm going to get blown off and I'm not going to like it!

It started Saturday with Lacrosse Guy and the night of the improv.  In this case, I had gathered my enthusiasm about 3 hours before it was time to leave and stupidly assumed that he would still want to go on such short notice.  I felt like I had been stabbed in the chest when he said he made plans with the guys.

Then Tuesday.  My ex-boyfriend, Steve, has always bugged me to come see his new place, come see his new dog, come see his new sheets ... I never did because for a period of time, I hated him, but now, there's some unresolved feelings so I got up the enthusiasm to hang out with him one night.  I told him I would be over after I watched Sex & the City with the girls.  Well, after the show, I called him and got ...
"I have a headache."
He never actually said not to come over, but I could take the hint.

In addition to Steve's cancellation, that same night, Amish canceled the date he set up via text message on Monday for dinner on Wednesday before I could even respond. 
"Sinus infection."

I got a surprise (and my hopes up) when Best Friend called on Wednesday night and said he wanted to hang out Thursday after work.  I went out with the girls from work Thursday and left early so I could sober up and straighten up before he came over.  He called me after work.
"Sick."
Normally, the response I would typically get for using this excuse would be, "B-b-but I changed my PLANS for you!"  I, on the other hand, was much cooler about it, knowing that if I wanted to spend more time with the girls, I never should have made plans with him at all.

I woke up sick myself (sore throat) on Friday, so in an attempt to regain my good karma, I did not cancel on Quiet-Guy-Who-Pissed-Me-O ff-Over-The-Baseball-Game and still met up with him for dinner where I choked down a salad in pain (also painful was the silence).

Ok, karma, I've learned my lesson, you can stop being a bitch now!

Last night was a night Val and Danielle had been planning for quite a while.

Danielle's boyfriend was in town for the weekend so she wanted us all to go out and do something special.  She made plans for dinner and an improv comedy show.  Val would bring her boyfriend, William.  I, on the other hand, would debate whether not I should go, up until the very last minute.  I was torn between being a fifth wheel and dragging a guy out to an event with two serious couples. 

I mean, I definitely didn't want to give a guy the wrong idea.  If I took say Amish, maybe he would think we were more serious than we are.  If I invited say Best Friend, maybe he would think that I think we were more serious than we are (plus, there was NO WAY I was inviting Best Friend after the whole deal with The Hitchhiker).  So, I'm on opposite ends of the spectrum with these guys.

I had talked to Lacrosse Guy earlier in the week and told him I was debating going (surprisingly, we are still good friends, even after the disastrous date).  He offered to come along so I wouldn't have to be fifth wheel.
"It will be the best non-sexual, non-date night!"

Well, that sounded good to me.  I didn't want to deal with the stress of a date that night, but I didn't decide until after my hospice orientation (I am not as one-dimensional as my blog may make me sound, haha) ended at 4pm Saturday, so when I called Lacrosse Guy, he had already made other plans.  Val and her boyfriend encouraged me to call someone else.
"But I want to go with Lacrosse Guy!  I don't wanna go on a daaaate!"  I whined.

Nonetheless, I called pretty much any guy I felt I could put up with for an evening, just so the ticket to the show wouldn't go to waste. 

Rejection after rejection after rejection.  I was resolved to going alone until finally, Amish calls back.  He's already had dinner but he wants to meet up with us later for the show.  He asks if he can bring along his friend.  Of course!  We could use a 7th wheel!

Amish was a lot of fun at the comedy show.  What a great show it was too!  I laughed so hard I cried (Dad's Garage--I highly recommend it!) 

As we were walking out, he put his hand at the small of my back.  I got the feeling he wanted to kiss me goodnight, but as I am still deciding my interest level in him, I avoided eye contact completely and just gave him a hug. 

Ok, so I used to think this whole I-Like-A-Guy-But-His-Best -Friend-Likes-Me-Better was a funny coincidence.

It's losing its humor factor ...

To make the whole Marriott-Best Friend Situation even more complicated, let's throw in the third man of their trio, The Hitchhiker.

The Hitchhiker and Val once went out long ago.  She decided he was one of those guys who was just "too nice," but they remained friends nonetheless.  We would hang out with him at hockey games while Marriott kept his distance.  Whenever we spotted Marriott, we knew The Hitchhiker was somewhere near and vice versa. 

He became a good friend.  After my failed attempts with Marriott, he tried his best (to no avail) to explain how Marriott operates when I would be left wondering, What just happened??

He came back from a 6-month hike a couple of weeks ago.  My sis and I were happy to see him so we took him out to a Braves game with us.  The Hitchhiker and I sat next to each other to people-watch.  Innocent.

Then, this past Wednesday (as in three days after my rendez-vous with Best Friend), I receive a phone call from The Hitchhiker.  He, Marriott, and Best Friend are all hanging out, just left a bar where they played poker, and wanted to come chill at our place.  Fortunately, the girls and I were on our way to bed.

"We'll have to get together this weekend then!" says The Hitchhiker.
I say sure, thinking it would be great to have all six of us hang out.

Little did I know that The Hitchhiker meant one-on-one. 
Text message from The Hitchhiker on Friday:  "Ok, here is the deal ... I think we should go out Saturday night.  I was doing some thinking last night and came up with something fun we can do ... but I ned you to let me know if you are going to grace me with your presnce tomorrow.  It is important you let me know right away so I can make reservations for us.  Reservations for what you say?  That is for me to know and for you to find out.  You gotta treat your sugar momma to a night on the town every now and then.  So, let me know if you want in on a fun evening.  Talk to you later hot stuff!" 

All of the sudden, The Hitchhiker's intentions do not seem so innocent.  I agonize for about an hour and (after consulting with co-workers) respond:   "Wow, sounds like you put a lot of thought into this.  It almost sounds like a date! haha"
His response:  "I will leave that up to you ..."
After more consultation with the girls at work (and now my sis, through email), I respond:  "I am really confused ... Did you hear I made out with Best Friend?  Are you guys messing with me?"
His response (they're becoming more devastating as the conversation continues):  "I heard that .. Couldn't care less.  I am asking you to go out with me tomorrow ... so, how about it?"

Fortunately, I have legitimate plans with the girls Saturday night so I tell him about that.  He, of course, follows up with Val to validate my statement. 

I get more pissed with the situation as it occurs.  To quote a Simpson episode (and my co-worker), I am "not a doobie to be passed around!"

... minus the guilty feelings.

I got in from Hilton Head around 10pm on Saturday.  I was exhausted from the 4-hour drive, and my whole backside was burnt (the front of me was a nice tan color though!) so I just wanted to sit on my bright red ass and mindlessly surf the Internet.

Then, Marriott's best friend sent me a message.

I had a routine going with Marriott and Best Friend.  It became sort of a game where I rotated contact to see which one I could get to respond and to see which one was honestly interested--and also kinda to see which one I could piss off first, or maybe even both!

Marriott sent me a text message one night saying he was having a party and that my sister and I should stop by.  I was surprised by the message because it had been a couple weeks since he last canceled our plans--Val and I had plans that night so I responded that we couldn't make it.  Usually, he responds back.  This time he didn't.

So, I rotated to Best Friend.  I sent Best Friend a text message a few nights later, saying he and Marriott should come up to a bar with my friend Hannah and I.  No response.

I made what I decided was going to be a last-ditch effort with Marriott.  I sent him an email asking how his get together was.  No response.

I made what I decided was going to be a last-ditch effort with Best Friend.  I hadn't talked to him in about the same timeframe as Marriott.  I sent him an email because I had been in Chicago for a layover, and it made me think of him. 

Finally ... a response!

Apparently, he was in Chicago about the same time I was: "Where's the love on the phone calls?"

And that's what led to our conversation Saturday night.  He wanted to hang out but I could barely move.  I suggested Sunday night instead to give me 24 hours to slather my body in cocoa butter in an attempt to heal.

Sunday was amazing, outside of an awkward hug at the front door when I saw him.  I was sick-to-my-stomach nervous about the whole night.  I mean, I had met him briefly in person, once, at a bar, when I was "seeing" Marriott. 

And I remember exactly how the conversation went when Marriott got up to go to the bathroom that night (the first time we spoke to each other). 
"So which team are you rooting for?" he asked, pointing at the football game on the TV.
"Oh, umm, neither."
He looked surprised.  "So, you're really just here to see Marriott, huh?"
I paused to decide if that was the case and then said, "Yes."
"Aww," he said.  "That's sweet."  I remember thinking that he was being condescending.  I also remembering thinking that I didn't like him.

I also remember having a HUGE zit on my nose that night.

Anyways, back to Sunday.  When he came in, he apologized for a white spot on his dress shirt that I wouldn't have even noticed had he not pointed it out.  Apparently, he had an accident while brushing his teeth that morning.

A nice conversation followed which naturally led to making out.  Very sweet guy, great kisser.  Told me I had nice boobs.
"I think they're too small," I said.
His response:  "Please!  I play with basketballs all week!"

Big Irony of the Night:  I knew he was Jewish before he came over, so I debated with myself over whether or not I should wear my cross necklace in front of him, worried it might offend him if I did.  I opted for it in the end.

My worries were unnecessary ... he was wearing a Star of David.

So, Amish and I have been trying to make plans ever since I ran into him during his shift at Olive Garden (as I was desperately trying to escape my spit-slurping date for a moment of normal conversation with a decent person). 

Amish and I started talking online well before I moved to Georgia when I was seeking friends, especially since I knew not a soul when I moved here.  He was good company on the phone, keeping me awake during the long drives between Ohio and Georgia. 

Sadly, right about the time I moved to Georgia, he moved back home to Pennsylvania so I never got a chance to meet him in person. 

Then, two years later (?), I got a message from him saying he had moved back!  He had been working at the Olive Garden Val and I frequented but we kept missing him.  Before I knew it, he was in a relationship, and I stopped hearing from him. 

His birthday rolled around so I sent him a message.  He writes back saying we should get together.  I notice his relationship status has changed back to 'Single'. 

We never got together ... and we never got together.  Then, when Spit-Slurper suggested Olive Garden for dinner, I worried I would run into Amish, on a date with this guy, even more so that he might be our server! 

It was pure relief when our waitress told me that he was on the other side of the restaurant, only coming to our side to drop off food.  I debated whether or not I should go say hi and then gave in, because he just looked so good in that shirt and tie! (plus my date was rude and we all know that two wrongs make a right!)

When I walked over there, he was at a computer, printing off credit card slips.  I waited a minute for him to look up.  Then, he started to turn away from me, not noticing I was there. 
"Amish!  Hi!"
He turns around (oh, he's cute!) and says, "Oh, hey!" in his sweet voice.  A voice so sweet that I thought he was faking recognition.  "Did you eat here???"
"Yeah ..." I paused for a minute, lowered my voice, and turned my body away so that the servers who were watching the interaction intently couldn't see me.  "You do know who I am, right?" I asked, employing my excellent ventriloquist skills.
"Yeah! Michelle , right?!"

Whew!  What a relief!  I was bracing myself to hear, "No ... who ARE you?"

I walked with him a little ways back to the table he was serving while he made plans to stop in our bar that weekend. 

Naturally, he came in during the night shift when I worked the day shift. 

Then, he wanted to get lunch on the fourth.  No can do.  That was the day we went to the lake with Val's boyfriend.

I was really about to give up when he suggested going to the midnight showing of Pirates of the Caribbean.  It would be rough getting up the next morning for work but I wanted to finally spend time with him! 

So, I got home from work and tried to take a nap but was distracted by a Braves game.  I was extra tired when he finally notified me it was time to go.  Normally, that would be a cancel situation but I somehow found the energy for this guy.

We arrived at the theater where I was introduced to a horde of his friends (I remember none of their names) and went in. 

The theater was packed so the only place we could fit all of us was the back row.  I sat down ... right behind a handrail that blocked a chunk of the screen.
Amish leaned over halfway through the previews and said, "You want to switch spots? That rail has to be blocking your view, and I'm tall and could see over it."
I said, no, I was fine.  I thought I would fall asleep during the movie anyway.

We made small talk.  He asked about my living arrangements, I asked about his.
"I live in Acworth," he said.
"Oh, with your brother still?"
"No, alone."
"What happened??"
"She moved out."
Whoa! Our gossipy waitress had left out the part that the two were living together when they split!  Can we say "rebound"????

Did I mention how good he smelled??

Halfway through the movie, he brushed two fingers against my leg and asked, "Are you doing ok?"
Yes, as long as I was within smelling distance, I was juuuuust fine!

About the same time, he said, "Are you SURE you don't want to switch spots?"

What a sweetie!  The next morning, I got a text message: "How ya doin?  Can I buy you some coffee?  I'm just kidding.  I had a good time last night and i'm looking forward to hanging out again.  Call me sometime!"
I wrote back: "Haha I just sent you an email telling you how good you smelled last night!  Thanks again - would love to hang out when you get back from chicago!"
And him back:  "I would love to!  You should see me cuz i'm kinda doin a little dance right now!  Just let me know when you're free!"

Overall, a perfect date!  But don't set sights too high ... watch for signs that he's not over the ex-!

After I did not respond to repeated text messages ...

Guy from Last Monday:  "Why are you doing this? it would kill me if u never talked to me again"
Me: "Why would it matter?"
Guy:  "Are you kidding? because I like you, a lot, youre an amazing person, i would never want to think id never hear from you again ... i was really looking forward to seeing you on saturday, and when it didnt happen of course I was gonna be upset, Id screwed up an opportunity to hang out with you, there arent too many dumber things Ive done that I can remember. doesnt mean I was angry or felt any differently about you ... i was even gonna root for the braves ...."

I had just got in from spending a week in Minneapolis.  I was excited to talk to the guy from last Monday's date again.  I was excited to see him again. 

And he burst my bubble.

I had a layover in Chicago on my way to Minneapolis.  My connecting flight was delayed 2-1/2 hours.  Val was sick so I had to entertain myself.  Fortunately, I felt this guy and I had a good enough connection when we went out so that I could vent my frustrations to him.  I passed the time with a really nice conversation through text messages.  And I didn't even think twice about the 10 cents per message I was being charged.

When I got home Friday, the first thing I did was to make plans for when I could see him again.  First we said Monday. 
Then, he said, "I have the house to myself tomorrow (the parents are out of town) if you want to come over and check out my DVD collection ..."
I said yes to Saturday instead. 

The Atlanta Braves won Friday night.  My sister and I were so pumped talking about the win at the bar on Saturday that when we found out they were still in town, we wanted to go see the game badly.
"I can't though," I said. "I have a date."
"So?  You can bring him!"  Val said.
I thought about that for a few moments and realized that, no, I actually wouldn't be embarrassed to bring him to meet the ever-important sister and roommate.  I thought the girls would like him.  I thought he would like the girls.  This is a rare occurrence!

So, I went to the back of the kitchen of the bar for some privacy so I could call him. 
"Hey, do you want to go to a Braves game tonight?"  I asked.  I was excited.  I thought this was a great idea and sure to be a good time ... but there's silence on the other end.  "Uh oh, no answer.  Not good."  Silence and some stuttering.  I interrupt:  "You know, we don't have to go.  Do you not want to go?"
His response:  "Not really."

Me, in shock:  "Oh, let me call you back then ..."

I went back out into the restaurant.  I sat down at the bar while Val counted the drawer and told her he didn't want to go.
"Well, let's just the three of us go then," Val suggested.
"I can't.  I already made plans with him last night."

Our boss overheard the conversation. 
"Let me get this straight ... You called a guy to go to a Braves game with you and he actually said no?"
"That's right."
"Has he MET you??" I loved the astonishment, haha
"Yes."
"So, what exactly does this guy having going for him that you like?"
"Well, nothing I guess.  I mean, he lives with his parents, can't get into med school ... I guess I like that he volunteers at a food pantry ..."  I trail off, realizing how lame all this sounds now that I'm hearing it out loud.
The Boss laughs and rolls his eyes.  "Well, before you go out with this guy again, you better ask him to send you a picture of his penis because that would be the only thing that could make this guy worthwhile ... Listen, this guy is obviously not for you, right?  You like sports, you have a good job, you have a house.  You are too cool for this guy.  I say you ditch him."

And so I did.  Val and I debated for several minutes over what the text message should say.  In the end, it was short and sweet (minus the sweet): "I am going to the game, sorry."
The message I got back:  "So now you dont want me to go?" Uhh ...
"You said you didn't want to."
"Look you either wanted me to go or not and since you waited till right before game time to tell me i think i can figure that one out so just forget it."

Huh??  What just happened here?  Did I enjoy a guy's company enough to have him meet the people who matter most to me (a huge compliment in my mind), and he managed to turn it around to make it look like I did something wrong? 

Plus, what a chick response!

Disappointing!