Never Felt So Alive

Well, it's been an interesting week ...

After much discussion about Workaholic's behavior toward me, the girls at work, my sister, and I have all come to a mutual consensus that he needs to go.  So, I began my usual procedures for getting rid of a guy which basically involves a) ignoring him and b) packing my schedule so full that I always have an excuse for why I can't go out with him.  Immature, I know.  But I really just don't know how else to go about it. 

The plan, however, is not working.  He is persistent.  He even has gone beyond what he normally allows to hang out with me.  For example, it used to be that he would never want to hang out on the nights that I had class because it would be just too late by the time I got out.  By Thursday, after 4 days of not seeing each other, however, his tune had changed. 

I, however, had plans with Best Friend, which is a whole other example of my weaknesses. 

Best Friend and I got into an online argument on Tuesday which ended with him saying, "Let me know when I am welcome back in your house."  That's how angry I was with him. 

I was sitting in class Thursday when I got a text message from him that said, "What's the story tonite?"
I was so literally physically exhausted from fighting with him and trying to make a point about how he treated me that I gave in.  I didn't want to fight anymore.  So I said, "I'll be home at 8:30.  Come over if you want."

So, Thursday when Workaholic decided that I was now permitted to hang out with him after class, I had to come up with a bullcrap reason why I couldn't go over there. 
I thought he was very sweet when he said, "Well, if you don't want to be at your house alone (Val and William had left for Ohio), you are welcome to come over here.  You can stay the night and get up later since I live close to your work."

The girls at work, however, did not think this was so sweet.
"The nicer thing would have been to offer to stay at your place with you.  Why do you always have to go to him?"
"Why DO I always have to go to him?" I asked. "I ALWAYS go to him!"  They were firing me up!

Anyways, Best Friend and I had a surprisingly nice time on Thursday night, watching football, getting into a few debates.  We made plans to make Thursday night a recurring thing ... we'll see about THAT one ...

Friday night, was Girls' Night Out with the girls from work.  I had told Workaholic earlier that day that I didn't know how long I would be at Glenda's and that I would call him when I left and MAYBE we could hang out. 

He called me at 8pm.  "When do you think you are going to leave there?"

BIG MISTAKE.

They took this opportunity to rip into Workaholic.  "You are too special.  You don't need to put up with someone who treats you like that," my boss told me.  And what my boss tells me, I do.

I told them at the beginning of the evening that I would stay at the party for a bit and then would have to leave to go to Workaholic's since I hadn't spent time with him all week (even though I really didn't want to). 
As we were all getting ready to leave, the girls asked, "What are you going to do?  Are you really going to go over there?"
"Well, I kinda have to.  I really need to take him his check ..."
"Whoa, wait a minute!  What check?"
"The check for the trip to Florida ..."
"He's making you pay?!?"
"No, we're splitting it ..."
The girls were in an uproar over this.  "You don't invite someone on a trip and then ask her to pay half!" 
"But I'm not technically his girlfriend ... it's like inviting a friend ..."
"That's just bad manners!"
I was starting to see it their way.  I told them that not only was he having me pay half, but I thought he was ripping me off.  He wanted a check for $250 ... but the hotel was only $100 a night for three nights, so $300.  He put the gas to get there on his mom's credit card and then we took turns paying for meals ... it just was not adding up!
"Don't go over there tonight.  Ask him to give you an itemized list of the cost of the trip and drop off a check once you get that."

Saturday night was the Theta Chi party, which I also told Workaholic about several times.  Still, on Saturday, he asked me to go out with him, James, and Katie. 
"No, I have that party tonight.  If it ends up being lame, I'll stop by."
"Well, I will call you later and see if you can come out with us."  Umm, hello?  Didn't I just tell you I was going to a party? "Besides, I need to get laid tonight.  Pensacola was just a tease."  Umm, excuse me?
"Oh, so THAT'S the reason you invited me to Pensacola."
"No, but it would have been a bonus."

Ick.  It was getting to the point where the thought of that with him disgusted me.

The party was definitely an interesting night.  I only planned to stay until midnight ... I didn't end up getting home until 4:30am. 

When I got there, I knew virtually no one there.  The Pi Kapps and Theta Chis combined their parties, but the Theta Chis were no where to be found.  I sat down next to a guy named Joe.  We talked and ended up exchanging phone numbers.  I think that may have been a mistake because whenever our conversation got quiet, he would become a nervous, insecure mess.
"Are you ok??"
"Yeah, why?"
"You got quiet.  I thought I said something wrong.  Did I say something wrong??"

Then, a Theta Chi would finally show up and I would jump up excitedly to say hi.
"You're a lot more friendly and sociable with the Theta Chis."
"Well, yeah, I've known them forever."
"Why can't you be that social with me?"
"Because I don't KNOW you??"

Wow.

The night was drawing to an end.  I was making my rounds, saying goodbye to everyone I knew.  One group, I hugged everyone except Bo.  I don't know Bo too well so I didn't know if it was ok to hug him too.  As I walked away though, he held out his hands like he was insulted that I didn't hug him. 
"Oh, you want a hug?"
"Of course.  You look gorgeous tonight!"

I turned to Justin and Steve who I was driving home since they were hammered and asked if they were ready to go.  I also offered Bo a ride.  The three of us began the long walk to my car when we realized that Steve was not with us.  I called him to find out where he was, but he did not answer.
"You guys are my witnesses that I called him, because he is going to be pissed when he doesn't have a ride."

I had dropped off Justin and was on my way to Bo's when Steve called.
"Where the hell are you?" he asked.
"Barrett."
"You left without me?"
"Uh yeah, we tried to call you.  Do you want me to come back to get you?"
"You better fucking come back and get me.  Why are you on Barrett?"
"I'm taking Bo home."
"Watch out for Bo when he's been drinking ... he's persistent."
"Yeah, ok."
"No, I'm serious.  He's gonna try to get somewhere with you."
"I'll call you when I'm on my way back."

2 minutes later he's calling again ....

"Where are you?"
"Pulling into Bo's apartment complex."
"Oh, I was hoping you would be like 5 seconds away."
"Well, I'm not.  You'll just have to wait a little longer.  I'll call you when I'm on my way back."
"Have fun making out with Bo."

Steve was right.  Bo and I did make out.  And Bo did ask me to go inside with him, but instead, I said, "No, I really need to go back and get Steve.  I don't need him to be mad at me.  He's enough drama in my life as it is."

As, I was driving back, I called Steve to make sure he actually still needed a ride.
"Um, that would be nice."
"Steve, if you're going to keep getting an attitude with me, you're going to need to get another ride home."
He laughed, which just made me more mad, which just made him laugh harder.  I was about to turn around and go home when I past him on the side of the road.  So, I pulled up and let him in. 

Once we were outside his place, we both got out a lot of our frustrations.  He wanted to know why I kept blowing him off.  I didn't want to tell him about what was going on with Workaholic and that a lot of how Steve was acting that night reminded me of him.  As hard as I tried to fight it, I cried a little in front of him.  Workaholic had been wearing on my feelings for a while now and with Steve continuing to say, "I wish you would just talk to me and tell me what's wrong," I couldn't hide how much it was hurting me anymore ... but I still didn't tell him.  He kept telling me to "Come here" but I didn't want to and I avoided eye contact because I had a feeling that if I didn't, he would probably try to kiss me.  I just wanted him out of my car so I could go home.

So, although the night ended with me crying, WHAT A GREAT NIGHT ... I think I must live for drama ...

I just got home from 4 days in Pensacola with Workaholic.

But first ...

Best Friend has finally done it. I'm finally at the point where I'm NOT gonna put up with him ... I don't care HOW cute he is.

So, he's been contacting me once or twice a week, wanting to hang out. This week was no exception. He sends me a text message on Wednesday, wanting to know what I'm doing Thursday. I told him I had plans to go to karaoke with Val on Thursday at the bar and invited him to call me if he was interested in stopping by or offered to call him if our plans changed.

Thursday, on our way to karaoke, I get a message from him: "How's karaoke?"
"Don't know. We are on our way right now."
When we got there, he had not responded, so I sent: "What are you doing? Come have a beer."
"Let's getaway to your place."
"No can do."
Then, my phone started ringing. He was calling. The bar was too loud. I couldn't answer ... and really, I didn't want to answer.

So, we had some drinks and went home at about midnight. When I got home, he called again.
"Did you get my voicemail?"
"No. You called? Why didn't you just come to the bar?"
"Because I didn't know where it was! What are you doing right now?"
"About to go to bed."
"You can't go to bed alone. You need me there to sleep with you."
"No."
"What's with the brush-off lately? I've been trying to hang out with you and you just keep telling me 'no'."
"Excuse me, but where have you been the past month? I hang out with you once and then you disappear off the face of the earth only to resurface with some new found enthusiasm?"
"The thing is ... I just broke up with my girl when we hung out. Then, we tried to work things out and it didnt' happen."
"So, I was the rebound girl. You just wanted to keep me on the back burner to come to when things didn't work out. Well, I don't want to be back burner."
"You keep trying to tell me off, but I'm not gonna let you. Listen, you work tomorrow, right? Do you think you can take 5 minutes and come out to the parking lot to see me? I just want to see you."
I hesitated. Did I even want to give him one last chance? Did he even deserve THAT?
"I don't know ..."
"Michelle, if you don't want to see me, just tell me. I can handle rejection."
"It's not that I don't want to see you ... it's just that, if you fall through again on this one, I'm not doing this anymore ..." I stumbled across a couple more words, trying to put together what I meant to say.
"I got you ... so you're saying this COULD make but DEFINITELY break this."
I thought about that a moment and responded, "Yes."

My conscience got the best of me the next morning as I discussed the situation with Emily. Was I really going to rendez-vous in the parking lot with Best Friend just two hours before I left for Florida with Workaholic. Granted, the rendez-vous with Best Friend would be basically harmless but felt wrong nonetheless.
"You and Workaholic aren't official? Better to keep your options open. I've never met this Best Friend guy but I don't trust him ..."
And for good reason ... he ended up cancelling, declaring that in his drunken state, he had forgotten that he had to be at work at noon, not 3pm like he had planned.

No excuses. This was unacceptable. Lucky though as it enabled me to have a guilt-free, long weekend with Workaholic (whose nickname must change now that he is unemployed :P).

We left Friday night after I got off work at 5pm. I knew traffic was going to be a drag since it was Labor Day weekend. On top of that, I was in pain and uncomfortable thanks to cramps. He was so sweet the whole way there, making sure I was as comfortable as I possibly could be. When we finally arrived in Pensacola though, he was hungry and had to stop for food. On top of that, we were stopped at a checkpoint which further delayed my arrival to a bed.

The next morning, he went to check out our surroundings while I showered. He came back and informed me that we were, in fact, NOT on the beach like he thought. Although the beach was only a minute or two away, he insisted on checking out of that hotel and going to find one that was on the beach.

We spent all morning driving up and down the island, stopping and asking hotels if they had rooms, even though we were told several times along the way, "Every hotel on the island is booked." Needless to say, I was slightly annoyed as we went back to the hotel room where we originally began ... the hotel room that would not have been available had they had a chance to clean it, because they were filling up fast themselves.

Once my ass was seated comfortably beneath an umbrella with the beach breeze in my hair, I was content again. It ended up being a good day. We left the beach at 4pm, ate, and went back to the room to relax and to watch the Georgia Tech football gamebefore going out that night. I was not feeling well though and fell asleep before the game even started. I did not wake up until 3am when he started shuffling around.

When he told me what time it was, I asked, "Why didn't you wake me up?"
"Because you looked so comfortable."

The next morning, for some reason, I could not get him out of bed and onto the beach.

I called Val who was working back home at the bar without me and complained, "He's being a bastard and won't take me to the beach!" (kidding, of course--but he took me right after we got off the phone)

We had a blah day that day. He was being an ass ... or maybe it was the cramps. He was picking at every little thing I did ... or maybe I just took offense to everything he said. I was ready to come back home on Monday.

Things seemed to go back to normal for the car ride home. All weekend I was torn between whether I wanted to continue to see him or if I had had it with his bad manners, his bossing me around, his complaining, his chewing with his mouth open. I decided that I would just risk it all to try to find out what was going on in his head when it came to "us" ... especially after he mentioned having dinner with his parents next weekend.

When the topic of Katie and James came up, I saw my opportunity. Katie and James are friends of his that have been sleeping together with no commitment. Katie wants commitment. Workaholic is against the idea because he says that would be "marrying into a bad gene pool" and as much as I like hanging out with Katie ... I have to agree. James though was taking her on their first official date while we were away. Unemployed Guy hated the idea of Katie "convincing" him to be her boyfriend.

"You better watch out, I might convince YOU to be MY boyfriend." Yes! So smoooth!
He laughed and said, "Yeah, I better watch out."

Ok, not EXACTLY the response I was expecting, but what was I expecting? For him to be all over the idea and for me to find myself in a situation I probably didn't really want to be in? Am I really that desperate to just BE with somebody? That I would just somehow "look past" all the things I never tolerate in a relationship just so I could have one?

Sad.