11 Days
Text message, 2:03am: "Hello how have u been"
Of course, I didn't respond. I was asleep.
Text message, 9:53am: "Hey michelle u doing alright i know i havent called in a while im sorry ive been very busy but havent forgot about u"
How to respond? I could go for the angry, bitter angle. The sweet, ever-forgiving angle.
"Yes i'm fine thanks. Hope you're doing well" Nope. Cold indifference will work for me.
"Ive been doing good alot of training r u mad at me"
Yes, I was mad that I let myself think this long distance thing would actually work, that we would actually get to communicate while he was training for the Marines hundreds of miles away. Yes, I was mad that he didn't call or write once when he promised every weekend. No, I couldn't be mad, he was just too sweet ...
"No babe"
"U still miss me"
This was easier after the "r u mad at me" thoughts filtered through: "I don't know"
"That sucks i know its my fault"
"No, I think we both should have known that it wasn't going to work"
"Whys that"
"Because you're far away and at training. I guess there's no way really to make that work"
"Ill be done in 2 weeks is there someone else in your life now"
Conveniently, someone just exited my life last night: "No but aren't you supposed to be in virginia after training?"
"No things have changed. I'm staying here"
"So you'll still be far away and i still wont be able to see you and i probably wont hear from you"
"It would be a regular job, weekends off. I would have my cell and i would come see u on the wkends"
"Yeah but I thought you were going to have your phone weekends at training and i never heard from you. You never wrote me. I just don't want to get my hopes up again"
"I'm going to get a shower and then call you"
He called me. He apologized for not being in contact. He gave me excuses. He promised things would be different.
I forgave him. I made him promise that the only reason I hadn't heard from him was because of his schedule. I made him promise to not promise things he couldn't promise. I told him I missed him.
So now, I just have to wait 11 days to see him again. I just have to stay single and not meet any men for 11 days, because once I meet someone who generates even half of the feelings I had for the Marine, I will easily blow off the Marine, deciding that he should have made more of an effort to keep in touch these past 6 weeks ...
posted by: judebaker (reply)
post date: 12.04.06 (6:12 am)
very interesting, this is just me, but sometimes if something catches my interest more than another, i have to ask myself just how committed to the original was i. i agree with you, promises should never be made when one is uncertain as to whether they can be kept, however sometimes stuff happens especially in the military. like i said, this is just me but i have to honest with myself first before i can be honest with anyone else, have a happy
posted by: roxgirl (reply)
post date: 12.06.06 (3:27 pm)
Listen to your gut! This gut (to me) sounds like he can't handle a long distance relationship! If he was really that into you, he would have been making it clear to you that he was very interested, and not giving you the freedom to find other guys to occupy our time.
I hope things work out for you!
My new blog: imjustagirl. blogspot. com