So, last week was a week of ...

"Was that guy I dated really THAT bad?"
"Why did I stop calling him?"
"He had a lot of good qualities."

It started with Josh (well, it never really ends with Josh), then went on to Steve, from my 21st birthday, and then to Zach.  After reinitiating contact with all, I immediately experienced remorse ... except for one.

I was browsing my myspace page when I saw his profile, and despite his "fresh from a month in the woods" look (I'm talking full beard, shaggy hair, etc.) in his main picture, I was really kicking myself for what I did to that one. 

So, I sent him an email. 
"I'm really sorry for the way it ended.  I could have handled it much better."  Yeah, like I could have returned his phone call. 

I got an email back from him almost right away.  Doesn't take long to type "fuck you," I thought. 

I hesitated to open it.  What if I didn't really want to know what he had to say?  Finally, I just held my breath and clicked. 

"You're not a bad person.  Have a good night."

That's it?!  Tell me you hate me.  Ask me out again.  But don't tell me THAT. 

So, disappointed, I forgot about it.  But not really.  It ate away at me.  That's why when I saw another email from him a week later, I was hoping for either my angry email or my date. 

"Why exactly did you stop talking to me?  I promise not to be offended.  I'm just curious."
My response: "I was really starting to like you and when I tried to distance myself, I went too far.  If I had the chance, I would definitely do things differently."
His response:  "Come on, tell me.  I really want to know."

This caused great fury within me.  Maybe I did make the right decision when I stopped talking to him, as I was finding out with the others with whom I had reinitiated contact.

My response: "So, I told you something that was really hard for me to say and you completely disregarded it.  Thanks."

At this point, our conversation moved from email to text message.  A sign that the conversation was getting more serious.

"I wasn't trying to be a jerk," he said.
"Maybe I took it the wrong way then."
"I was really starting to like you too.  It sucked not hearing from you."
Here, I took the opportunity to take a coworkers advice, take a chance, and work my way back in: "Well, if I can make it up to you - like dinner or something - let me know."
"Well, I would like to see you again but not because you feel bad."
"I was just using that as an excuse to get you to go out with me."

So, we went to dinner and a movie.  The dinner was probably the most disastrous I've ever been to.  Besides my face being broken out, the waitress spilled a cup of ice all over me. 

If that's the most disastrous dinner I ever have, I'm ok with that. 

At the end of the night, I could not believe I ever let him get away.  And two days later when I saw him again, I made sure to tell him,  "I made a big mistake with you."

In addition to Zach, I have more on my plate than I can handle:

- The boss' son has started calling again.  He had not called to hang out before he left for Delaware for a week.  And then did not call for two weeks after - plenty of time for me to get over him and to now only find his daily phone calls annoying.

- A guy I hung out with in Ohio continues to call me everyday.  He's difficult to talk to because, due to a car accident, he sits at home all day watching TV, leaving him little interesting to talk about.  He also has a poor memory, so I often hear the same story multiple times.  It's difficult to answer the phone when he calls.

- A coworker's brother-in-law.  Newly single, just moved out of apartment he shared with his former girlfriend.  Obviously on the rebound ... but the bigger problem is the 31 year old's interest in anime and fantasy.

- And, of course, the ever-present Josh